It is a general belief that we are weighed down by the strains of responsibilities. We are tossed and thrown flailing in the air of need. We find ourselves desiring an escape. There comes a time when bitterness and hatred set in.
A time when you realize that single parenting is harder than you have the time to let on. The misery felt is held together with the strained braces of a smile and smoothed over with an “I love you mommy.” You remember why you do what you do and you shut out the pain. You shut out the anguish and the need to break. But who is going to put the pieces back together? If you break or fall you have to put the pieces back together. You have to set things right and this is all because you have a beautiful and energetic being relying on your every move. When the pain, bitterness, and anguish set in, the mere sight of those pitter-patter feet across the room sets your heart at ease. When you search for someone to blame but find at every turn your own reflection staring back at you. The burden you bear because you desire happiness. The longing to show an unforced smile. You find yourself missing; missing your opportunities, missing your breaks, merely missing you. You are now the passenger and not the driver as you watch your life unfold and memories made are only forgotten. When you find yourself about to land on this pitchfork you know it’s time for your coffee break. After all, everyone needs a coffee break sometimes.
My audience. I want to bare myself naked and embrace my truth, but I keep feeling my fingers tugging at the edge of my clothed subconscious bidding myself to cover it all up. I am fighting the urge to let the drapes fall. I am fighting my inner self to pull them closer, what decision will I make? What will I do? I will bare it all to you.
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