I try to understand the burning behind my eyes.
Filled with the strength of unexplained and unwanted desires, I buckle
I buckle in your grasp.
I buckle under the pressure of your smile.
I buckle from being wrapped in your arms…in a way, I haven’t been held before.
It startled me.
The emotions that rose?
Or was it even?
It startled me, the fire that rose in my belly, at the thought of you holding me close.
That’s it.
I solved it.
We both crave intimacy.
Intimacy from longing to be held.
Intimacy from desiring to be seen.
Intimacy from knowing that someone looks at you like you could be their world.
Intimacy from experiencing coital implosion.
Your hold on me is growing to an air of expectation.
I crave the desire not to expect.
I know I want nothing from you.
I actually do not want anything from you…
Wait. I spoke too soon.
I crave the warmth of your embrace.
I crave the smile on your face.
The smile that lingers and slowly spreads.
The smile that pulls me in when I am all in my head.
The glint in your eyes shows how nervous you are when you try to look away and my mind fights not to go too far.
In that split second, my mind takes me on a journey of what-ifs
What if I had met you earlier?
What if I had experienced you sooner?
I stop my mind before it takes me down a path I cannot unthink.
I stop my mind because I like what we have.
Everything and Nothing. All at the same time.
This everything and nothing has me craving your intimacy.
Craving the desire for peace that you shower on me.
The feeling though brief I have but do not.
The excitement that warms me draws me in and gives me a chance to breathe.
I have always said I wanted one.
One family, one person, ONE.
But now I have realized my concept of one, is not the one the Universe wants me to have.
I have been getting my ONEs.
I have been getting them in pieces.
Dusted, worn, torn, beaten,
Brilliant, enigmatic, intimate and taken,
Driven, brave, beautiful and sexy.
Leaving an indelible mark that encapsulates my soul enough to pull me out.
For the first time in a long time, the darkness didn’t entice me.
The safety I reeled in from the breath of the deep didn’t seem to take hold.
I wondered how this could be,
I then see you smile at me.
Captivatingly sweet and questioningly deep.
I may be giving you more props than you deserve
but I am willing to let the tide turn and pull me further away from the deep.
For in your sight is where I desire to be.
So, baby, it was only supposed to be a glimpse into the physical,
but you have flooded my vision with endless impossibilities and I love every moment of it.
You take me to the metaphysical and let my spirit soar.
I’ll take you in every breath because you are worth it and more.
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