So I decided a few years ago to start learning Spanish. I must say that the path to language learning is what many of us have started but never truly finish. We don’t persist for so many reasons. Not because we don’t want to nor because we don’t enjoy the process. But because it takes discipline and time and the process is stressful. Many successful people talk about the grinding they had to put into their work, the sleepless nights they have had to put into making their dreams come true. I am not making any excuse but when you are a single mom, working and studying finding time for yourself becomes a lot more non-existent. Many times we scout the internet searching for some sort of reprieve. We look forward to that moment in the night when those babies fall asleep so we can have a moment. Just a single minute of peace but those moments are rare, aren’t they? Those moments are biblical when they happen. Because we fall asleep putting that child to sleep. LOL. If your situation is anything like mine where you grow up in a Caribbean society where the baby sleeps next to the mother since birth you will be familiar with the falling asleep part of putting your kid to bed. So back to the story of my language journey. I was on a streak of two classes per week and I felt like I was improving and understanding more but then I started to feel that lacking motivation. That lacking desire to push through, to want to learn the language so I would book classes only to cancel them and I would find myself scrolling through Instagram looking for a push something, anything. Nut I found nothing…well most of the time. I want to feel that desire to push forward. I want that extra boost of energy but no matter how deep I dig I can’t find anything. I have come to realize that I literally have nothing left to give myself. I have nothing left for myself. After giving to my toddler, giving to my job, giving to my education, I have nothing left to give me. Nothing left for Renae. Many a time I long to feel something. Anything. But I know there are persons out there right now who are experiencing the same thing. We can’t cry about it not because we don’t have tears but because we can’t allow ourselves to. We have that child or children counting on us to be and remain strong. We never want to see that sadness and worry in our child’s eyes so we muster and push through one more time. In spite of the differences, in spite of the hard days, we just need to try and make it through one day at a time.
Sharing and showing the experiences of a single mom
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