Womanhood / You · May 20, 2024

I am not that Girl anymore

Our circumstances and experiences carve us into who we are.

They determine the path in a way where we are numbed by pain.

In a physical world that tries to separate and integrate all at once,

we want to want more but the lines are blurred in a way that if crossed, it’s an accident about to happen.

I am not that girl anymore, and it’s about time I embrace it.

I used to like the phallus and only wanted that, without a connection or chat,

I used to like the competition and the chase,

Oh, the thrill I get when I see your cum face.

I used to like the loud music because it’s a perfect distraction

from my inner turmoil that devours when no one is looking.

I used to like the parties and drinks, even the smokes; high as a kite and looking forward to the next hit.

I used to like…-

Wait, did I?

Did I ever?

I was never born to be that girl, superficial and craving.

All my life I’ve only ever wanted one.

One pair of eyes to get lost in, that warms my heart in a way that it chills me.

One pair of arms to be embraced by, knowing that when I lie in them the world would be right.

One pair of legs to get wrapped around me, pinning me in place cause I’ve been a bad girl.

One pair of lips that would be mine forever, because I know when I kiss them the sweet nothings that we all crave will be muttered and only I can hear.

One love that will hold me and never, ever want to let me go, because the abyss is no place for anyone to know.

I’m not that girl anymore,

I don’t desire the basics, because I want more.

I’m not that girl anymore, my heart doesn’t bleed for the pretense of what could be.

I’m not that girl anymore, my judgment isn’t clouded or intoxicated.

I am not that girl anymore, and as I come to myself, I realize I never was.

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